best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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