Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
