She is in my trunk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
