I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
