hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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