And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
