Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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