it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
