First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
