And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"