Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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