Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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