Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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