I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
