Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.

  (858): View more from California

  i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

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  (858): Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions. (858): i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents http://tfl.nu/ut40
  Replies (19) Good night (702) Bad night (2422)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.

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  (724): If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground. (724): Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday. http://tfl.nu/bc8e
  Replies (140) Good night (3056) Bad night (671)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.

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  (575): How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/n4qx
  Replies (26) Good night (1628) Bad night (3890)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

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  (303): i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk http://tfl.nu/s9es
  Replies (25) Good night (6060) Bad night (1030)
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  (650): View more from California

  Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.

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  (650): Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution. http://tfl.nu/4daa
  Replies (9) Good night (3115) Bad night (889)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

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  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
  Replies (8) Good night (5111) Bad night (923)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today

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  (605): You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today http://tfl.nu/jljr
  Replies (4) Good night (2554) Bad night (1023)
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  (949): View more from California

  Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.

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  (949): Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable. http://tfl.nu/3v7d
  Replies (6) Good night (913) Bad night (1274)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.

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  (203): I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight. http://tfl.nu/nwmv
  Replies (6) Good night (1072) Bad night (1504)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room

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  (406): don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room http://tfl.nu/gche
  Replies (2) Good night (402) Bad night (739)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.

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  (612): she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different. http://tfl.nu/v2bl
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (391)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.

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  (770): When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first. http://tfl.nu/jx84
  Replies (5) Good night (1005) Bad night (409)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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  (763): Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana... http://tfl.nu/pyu2
  Replies (21) Good night (1916) Bad night (600)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.

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  (847): Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra. http://tfl.nu/ud2y
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (361)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

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  (937): The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve http://tfl.nu/cdxu
  Replies (1) Good night (1267) Bad night (313)

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