ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.