I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.