..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
