We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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