Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.