Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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