I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
