im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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