He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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