she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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