she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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