he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
