my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
