dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
