well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
