Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
