I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
