people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
