if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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