Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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