Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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