You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
