When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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