she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
