And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
