2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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