Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
