the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
