so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize