i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
