Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
