Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
