We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
