is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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