I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
