UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
