I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
