I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
