The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We need to rekindle our bromance
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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