pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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