My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
