I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize