After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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