I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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