I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
