They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
