i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
