You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
