I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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