You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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