my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
