Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
