I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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