How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
