Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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